Jake's New Business
Jake's New Business is a Barney Bunch film that was released on November 24, 2017. Script Jake Paul 2016.png|We've got a deal today, Blake. Blake johnson talks about fat cat 20-dec-2012.jpg|What is it? Jake Paul 2016.png|I'm going to open a store that people can call by phone, that sells dead and unused babies. Blake johnson talks about fat cat 20-dec-2012.jpg|Terrible idea. A better idea is introducing Fat Cat to American audiences. Jake Paul 2016.png|Oh. I think I'm gonna pass the deal to someone else then. Photostudio 1459811681591.jpg|Can I be in one if Team 10's vlogs? Jake Paul 2016.png|Sure. Meanwhile Logo.png Jake Paul 2016.png|We've got a deal, Dr. Beanson. Dr. Beanson.png|Okay, what's the deal? Jake Paul 2016.png|We're launching a phone service that sells dead and unused babies. It's going the called the Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service. Dr. Beanson.png|Sure thing, Jake. Photostudio 1459811681591.jpg|Oh no you ain't. Jake Paul 2016.png|...But why? Photostudio 1459811681591.jpg|That's illegal, Trump of YouTube. Jake Paul 2016.png|Come on, Fat Cat. I'm only launching the service to fight against this country's laws. KennyKidna.jpg|Even though I hate Fat Cat, you're much worse Jake. Jake Paul 2016.png|Are you kidding me? I'm even better than all the other YouTubers out there, like PewDiePie, RiceGum, DramaAlert, Fousey, KSI, and pretty much everyone else. Lucas-1.jpg|No. Even my cheap tastes in many things are better than Jake's tastes. Jake Paul 2016.png|Even you, Fred. I'm more talented than you. Lucas-1.jpg|The name's Lucas. I'm a washed up internet celebrity who's cheap and I'm proud of it. Jake Paul 2016.png|At least my vlogs are far less cheaper than your vids. I spend lots of dollars for making them. Lucas-1.jpg|In 5 years, you'll be washed up, like me. Jake Paul 2016.png|Jake Paul never chooses to lose. I'll always be famous till the end of time. Lucas-1.jpg|You'll be like me, but not gay. Jake Paul 2016.png|I'm already not gay. Twelfth Doctor (Doctor Who).jpg|In the future, you'll be washed up. Lucas-1.jpg|See ya in 5 years! Jake Paul 2016.png|I'll see when I believe it. DaddyFingerPeppaPigHulk.jpg|I love your idea, Jake. Jake Paul 2016.png|Thank you for saying that. DaddyFingerPeppaPigHulk.jpg|You're welcome. IMG_8324.jpg Dr. Beanson.png|Now that we've launched the service, we should get our first caller anytime now. Dr. Beanson.png|*phone rings* Finally, our first caller! Here, Jake, have the phone. Jake Paul 2016.png|Jake Paul Infant Delivery Service, may I take your order? Elory-love-star.jpeg|Jake? I hate RiceGum. Jake Paul 2016.png|Sorry, but this phone service is for ordering dead and unused babies to be sent to your mailbox. There is no need to call us just to say that, okay? Elory-love-star.jpeg|Oh. *hangs up* IMG 8197.PNG Dr. Beanson.png|*using phone* Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service, how may I help you? F05fd3bb3ae067650306e2979498a4db.jpg|Hello. I would like to order from Jake Paul, please. Dr. Beanson.png|Okay. I'm handing you over to the service chairman, Jake Paul. Jake Paul 2016.png|WHAT IS GUCCI, BABY!? Current ABB Leader.jpg|Yes, I would like 13 dead children, 8 dead babies, and 4 unused. Jake Paul 2016.png|Alright. I have written down your order. I'm going to look through our stock, so please be patient. F05fd3bb3ae067650306e2979498a4db.jpg|Okay. EvilCops.jpg|Excuse us Jake Paul, but what are you selling? Jake Paul 2016.png|I'm selling my brand new Jake Pauler merchandise. EvilCops.jpg|Oh. LIL PUMp.jpg|Jake Paul! Jake Paul 2016.png|Lil Pump, what do you have to say to me? LIL PUMp.jpg|I want esketit. Jake Paul 2016.png|Esketit? What does that mean? LIL PUMp.jpg|Nevermind. IMG 8197.PNG Jake Paul 2016.png|*phoning Anpanman* I just finished making your order ready. They are now about to be shipped to your home. F05fd3bb3ae067650306e2979498a4db.jpg|Good, but please be fast. Bye. Jake Paul 2016.png|Anytime. Elmer older man.jpg|Hello young man. When I was younger, the world was different. Can you alter these offensive photos I was in. Don't alter me though. Jake Paul 2016.png|Okay. And Dr. Beanson, is someone's calling us, please answer it when I'm not there. Dr. Beanson.png|Yes, sir. LIL PUMp.jpg|Esketit is my favorite food. Photostudio 1459811681591.jpg|Is it even a real food? Jake Paul 2016.png|Probably not. 87 calls later.png Dr. Beanson.png|Wow, our service had a rise in calls lately. Dr. Beanson.png|*phone rings* Oh, phone's ringing again. *picks up* Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service, may I help you please? Kokinchan.jpg|Of course. I would like to order 20 dead babies and 10 unused ones. Is that a good deal? Dr. Beanson.png|Of course. I'm making your order right now. Kokinchan.jpg|Okay. Meanwhile Logo.png New York City.jpg DrewPickles.gif|Urgent, all members of The Barney Bunch! I have recently discovered that Jake Paul is currently running an illegal phone service with Dr. Beanson, which sells dead children, as well as completely unharmed ones. Chaz Finster.gif|I don't like Jake Paul very much, but this has got to be the worst thing he has ever done, next to the fact that he had once defeaned a man's ear with a car horn. Elmer older man.jpg|I agree with you, Chaz. I'm calling the police on Jake for this. 4f87a4b47b955_224523b.jpg|What kind of sick fuck would do that? 120px-Ronald-mcdonald1.jpg|I know, right? 2f3.jpeg|Am I late? DrewPickles.gif|Yes, unfortunately. 2f3.jpeg|SHIT! Censor bar.png|The tiger dancer rips his underwear. 250px-Barney.jpg|Oh, you stinker! 2f3.jpeg|Sorry. Pwizel.JPG|Hello. Can I join? DrewPickles.gif|First, you'd have to take a quiz to prove yourself eligible to join. Pwizel.JPG|What do I do? DrewPickles.gif|It's that simple: you have to answer questions about yourself in order to join our group. Pwizel.JPG|Okay. Meanwhile Logo.png Old Town.JPG Uzi Vert.jpg|I have to admit... Stwephanie.JPG|What do you have to admit? It better be good. Uzi Vert.jpg|I'm visiting Rio de Janeiro for my newest tour. Stwephanie.JPG|Brazilians suck! Uzi Vert.jpg|Sorry, but I had to say it. Pwizel.JPG|The Barney Bunch declined me! Stwephanie.JPG|Why is that? Pwizel.JPG|My hatred of Italians. Stwephanie.JPG|Oh. Pwizel.JPG|By the way, I punched Drew because he had Russian heritage. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|Let's kill Drew. Stwephanie.JPG|Sure. Meanwhile Logo.png Crowd.jpg|COME TO BRAZIL, LIL UZI VERT! Uzi Vert.jpg|I'm here. Uzi Vert.jpg|*starts rapping* ESTATE BROKAGE, I GOTTA START THE NAME OF GUCCI JEANS TODAY, CAUSE I GOT... Booingpeople.jpg LIL PUMp.jpg|Your rhymes are wack, Uzi Vert. 2068.jpg|Remember me internet? I'm ba- Dr.WhoDalek.JPG|EXTERMINATE! 2068.jpg|Exterminate who? Censor sign.png|The Dalek exterminates Fred. 2068.jpg|I'm a time lord. Goo- Censor bar.png|Fred regenerates. The master1.jpg|New body,new voice! Download (29).jpg|Who are you? The master1.jpg|I'm Master Fredrick. I haven't met you until now, but I'm a time traveler. LIL PUMp.jpg|GUC- Uzi Vert.jpg|Shut up, Lil Pump. This isn't your concert. Dr.WhoDalek.JPG|EXTERMINATE! Censor sign.png|Lil Pump shoots fhe Dalek, destroying it in the process. LIL PUMp.jpg|Got dat. Meanwhile Logo.png Pwizel.JPG|Elaine. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|What? Pwizel.JPG|Stephanie was exterminated. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|Why was she exterimated? Pwizel.JPG|She almost wiped everything in existence or something. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|Oh. It's sad that Stephanie's gone anyway. Pwizel.JPG|I know. Meanwhile Logo.png Jake Paul 2016.png|I'm back, Dr. Beanson. Dr. Beanson.png|Oh, good. Jake Paul 2016.png|*phone rings and he answers it* Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service. DaddyFingerPeppaPigHulk.jpg|I want 15 dead babies and 10 unused ones, please. Jake Paul 2016.png|Alright, order's coming right up. Please be patient while I'm looking through our stock. DaddyFingerPeppaPigHulk.jpg|Okay, but please make it in a jiffy. ChefPeePeeYellsAtBowser.png|And make them into soup. Jake Paul 2016.png|The dead ones or the unused ones? ChefPeePeeYellsAtBowser.png|Just the dead ones, please. Jake Paul 2016.png|Alright. Coming right up! Jake Paul 2016.png|Who's that guy trapped in the pile of all those babies? He looks very familiar... Keemstar.PNG|It's me, Killer Keemstar. I was in that pile of dead babies so I can spy on you. Bob Prudence.PNG|By the way, Keem's starring on my news talk show. KeemstarIRL.jpg|How did you get here? You look like an orange with a face drawn on it on top of a blue box. Jeffysdad.jpg|I Fred Figglehorn's mother. I died, but turned into a man. His father was exterminated after trial. Stwephanie.JPG|Fred's mom, thanks for reviving me. Keemstar.PNG|By the way. What were we talking about again? Bob Prudence.PNG|I've been following wherever you went, and I had to make sure you didn't notice me. Also, the name's Bob Prudence. I work at +2 and I'm the host of the station's daily news show. Like I said, I have my own talk show I would like you to be featured on. Keemstar.PNG|Sure, Bob. I'm going for that deal. Bob Prudence.PNG|But first, we're taking a trip to the English town of Sutton; that's where +2's headquarters are located. Keemstar.PNG|I guess so. PlusTwo.png|+2 ident plays. Announcer: Now on the +2 network, we have Interview with Bob Prudence coming right now. Then after that, it's Weed Week. Bob Prudence.PNG|Welcome to Interview with me, Bob Prudence. Today's guest is a person you might have heard of. He hosts a show on YouTube in which he discusses about social interactions that's happening on the site. Please welcome, Killer Keemstar. Audience.jpg Keemstar.PNG|Thank you. It's great to be featured on this show with Bob. Bob Prudence.PNG|So, Keemstar. What inspired you to start DramaAlert? Keemstar.PNG|I was forced to. Bob Prudence.PNG|What's the reason for that? Keemstar.PNG|By the da- By Alex and his goons. They've always been making me browse YouTube for drama and make videos on it. Bob Prudence.PNG|Who's Alex? Keemstar.PNG|He's one of my frenemies who is of Italian heritage. Bob Prudence.PNG|Why is your nickname Killer Keemstar? How did you come up with that name? Keemstar.PNG|Ever since I was in junior high, I wanted to be famous, like a superstar. So I took my last name and followed it with the word "star." The "Killer" in my nickname means that I've killed many players back when I used to play Call of Duty. Bob Prudence.PNG|What did you dream of becoming a star for? Keemstar.PNG|Uh-huh. Bob Prudence.PNG|Why did you want to become a star? I want an actual reason. Keemstar.PNG|So idiots can think that I'm involved in Illuminati bullshit. Bob Prudence.PNG|How did you become popular on YouTube? Keemstar.PNG|By luck, of course. Bob Prudence.PNG|What do you think of Jake Paul? Keemstar.PNG|An idiot. Btw, Fred Figglehorn paid me to start DramaAlert. Bob Prudence.PNG|In the music video for Dollar in the Woods, you've got someone to play as LeafyIsHere. Was it really him? Keemstar.PNG|Yes, it was him. In fact, I paid him 300 dollars to star in the video. Bob Prudence.PNG|Excuse me, but did you just say "fact" or "fat"? Keemstar.PNG|I was actually meant to say "fat." Bob Prudence.PNG|Wha? Ugly Keemstar.png Bob Prudence.PNG|Now, enough silliness. What do you think about RiceGum? Keemstar.PNG|He's like Jake Paul, but worse. Bob Prudence.PNG|Then, why do you support Clout Gang? Keemstar.PNG|I just do, but still. Bob Prudence.PNG|Why is there a tin can that says Kill Clout Gang & Team 10; We're the superior bei- Dr.WhoDalek.JPG|EXTERMINATE! BOB PRUDENCE! Bob Prudence.PNG|Why exterminate me? I'm innocent. Dr.WhoDalek.JPG|LO-GO GAN-G SENT US HERE TO EXTERMINATE YOU! Bob Prudence.PNG|Why though? Dr.WhoDalek.JPG|LO GAN PAUL HATES TEAM X & CLOUT GANG AND HATES HATERS OF HIM! Bob Prudence.PNG|Just because of that, it doesn't mean you have to exterminate m- Censor sign.png|The Dalek exterminates Bob Prudence. PlusTwo.png|'Announcer:' We apologize for this break, but there has been an error during the filming of this program. The filming crew are currently working on rectifying this issue. Until then, Weed Week will be delayed to 3 o'clock PM. We are sorry to announce this. Meanwhile Logo.png Jake Paul 2016.png|Well, it seems like our business is going good so far. *phone rings* Oh, another caller. *picks up phone* Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service, how may I help you? Scene Missing.PNG|'Unknown Female Caller:' *speaking faux-Japanese* Coko rendai badana, watashi wa junai burundai uta masu. Jake Paul 2016.png|Excuse me, but can you please speak English? Scene Missing.PNG|'Unknown Female Caller:' *hangs up* Jake Paul 2016.png|That was a pretty strange call. *phone rings again and he answers it* Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service? Pwizel.JPG|I'd like 25 dead children and 20 unused ones, please. Jake Paul 2016.png|Okay. Your order's coming right up now. Dr. Beanson, please get 25 dead children and 20 unused ones. Dr. Beanson.png|Yes, Jake. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|I would like to have 15 dead d**os. Jake Paul 2016.png|15 dead what? Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|I said I would like to have 15 dead d**os. Jake Paul 2016.png|Let's see if we have them in stock. Please be patient while we do that. IMG 8197.PNG Jake Paul 2016.png|Sorry, but we don't appear to have Italians in stock right now. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|15 dead Russians. Jake Paul 2016.png|Do you want dead Russian children or babies? You need to be concise with your order. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|Okay. Jake Paul 2016.png|Please tell me. Do you want dead Russian children or babies? Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|Children. Jake Paul 2016.png|Alright. Your order's coming right up now. Elaine prongs by bluedragon0812-db1o19g.jpg|Okay Jake Paul 2016.png|Dr. Beanson, do we have any Russian children in stock? Dr. Beanson.png|Yes. Little Guy forced me to get some Russian children to kill, since he hates Russians and Russian composers. NFKRZ.jpg|I'm a Russian adult. Angry Little Guy.png|YOU'RE GOING ON MY GRILL, NFKRZ. NFKRZ.jpg|I won't. No! What are you doing? You're making me dizzy. Noooo. Stop. Censor sign.png|NFKRZ gets cooked. Meanwhile Logo.png PlusTwo.png|'Announcer:' Now we return to Interview with Bob Prudence. Bob Prudence.PNG|Welcome back, everybody. After the Dalek had exterminated me, I was resurrected by mad scientists. Anyway Keem, why was there a tin can that read "kill Team 10 and Clout Gang; we are the superior beings"? Keemstar.PNG|It created and was the Dancing Baby. Bob Prudence.PNG|But how? Keemstar.PNG|There was actually a Dancing Baby inside, who was converted into a Dalek. Bob Prudence.PNG|Are you dyslexic? I asked because you misread certain words often in your videos. Keemstar.PNG|Yes. 'Cause many famous people were. Bob Prudence.PNG|What are your personal interests? Keemstar.PNG|Sleeping. Bob Prudence.PNG|That's it? Are you gonna list any more? Keemstar.PNG|Yep. Bob Prudence.PNG|Okay. What are the rest of your interests? Elory-love-star.jpeg|Keem is actually a fur(ry)questrian. Keemstar.PNG|What? That doesn't seem very true... Elory-love-star.jpeg|You're a furry, Harry. Keemstar.PNG|My name's not Harry. Are you delusional or something? Elory-love-star.jpeg|F**k me, furf- Keemstar.PNG|No, just no. Elory-love-star.jpeg|:( Bob Prudence.PNG|Anyway Keemstar, what are the rest of your personal interests? Keemstar.PNG|I don't have any. Bob Prudence.PNG|So it's just sleeping then, right? Keemstar.PNG|Yeah. Bob Prudence.PNG|What are you planning on doing right now? Keemstar.PNG|To kill Philip DeFranco because all of his fans are Snoopy supporters. I'm also planning on releasing a remix of "Dollar in the Woods" featuring Snoop Dogg. Bob Prudence.PNG|What's your day usually like? Keemstar.PNG|Buying Beanie Babies from eBay and Amazon. Bitcoin is for idiots like Jake Paul and RiceGum. Bob Prudence.PNG|Is Gucci Gang a good song? Keemstar.PNG|No. LIL PUMp.jpg|*watching +2* YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS ONE DAY, KEEM. Bob Prudence.PNG|Anyway, why do you have a collection of these Beanie Baby toys? Aren't you too old for them? Keemstar.PNG|I collected them when they were popular in the late-90s, even though I was a little too old for stuffed toys. After I saw my daughter playing with Beanie Boos, I became obsessed with them, again! Bob Prudence.PNG|Why do you support Donald Trump's presidency? Keemstar.PNG|Because he's an idiot. Bob Prudence.PNG|But if you voted for Trump during Election Day and posted a tweet about it, then why do you think so? Ugly Keemstar.png|That tweet is fake news! Bob Prudence.PNG|Keem, I think you just lost your mind. Have you forgotten about that tweet? Keemstar.PNG|That's it! The interview is over. Goodbye. Bob Prudence.PNG|No no no, wait! One more question! Keemstar.PNG|What is it? Bob Prudence.PNG|What are your feelings about Jake Paul running a black market business that ships dead babies to houses? Keemstar.PNG|Disgusting. Bob Prudence.PNG|Yeah, I find it gross too. Keemstar.PNG|And I'm out. Goodbye. Bob Prudence.PNG|Well, that's it for today's interview. See you soon, everyone. *skips offscreen as the credits roll* Meanwhile Logo.png Officer Little Guy on phone.png|Now that I have my policeman outfit on, I'm going to call Jake Paul's new service. *calls Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service* Jake Paul 2016.png|*answers phone* Jake Paul Youth Delivery Service, how may I help you? Officer Little Guy angry on phone.png|WE'RE SHITTING YOU FOR SELLING DEAD BABIES. YOU KNOW THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW. Jake Paul 2016.png|Dude, are you even a member of the police department? Officer Little Guy angry on phone.png|YEP! Jake Paul 2016.png|And by the way, there is no need to shut me down. I'm running this service to fight against the laws of my country. Officer Little Guy angry on phone.png|WE'RE STILL GONNA SHIT YOU ANYWAY. *hangs up* Jake Paul 2016.png|That was probably just a prank call. Nobody's gonna arrest me for this business. Police.jpg Jake Paul 2016.png|Well, guess I thought wrong. EvilCops.jpg|Jake Paul, you are under arrest for selling dead children. Jake Paul 2016.png|Oopsie. I just told you the truth and I just dropped some new merch and it's still really selling like a god church. EvilCops.jpg|We know you're lying. You're being taken to court this instant. Jake Paul 2016.png|No! What are you doing? You're making me dizzy. Noooo. Stop. Meanwhile Logo.png|Meanwhile at court... Jake Paul 2016.png|Where am I? Judge Foodie.jpg|Hello, everyone. Welcome to the trial of Jake Paul, for him running a criminal business that has sold dead children. Category:Films Category:2017 Films Category:Films Directed by Barney Category:Films that have Fat Cat in it Category:Jake Paul filmography